kin sideblog ≈ 21 ≈ nonbinary
gore and nsfw posts. no minors please
in my canon i was ftm trans and gay. very close to actual canon, except mccree and i ended up dating during blackwatch, zenyatta and i had a relationship later on, and hanzo and i were much closer. feel free to message or send in asks if you want to know more.
i'll mostly reblog overwatch related posts and aesthetic posts, as well as post textposts about memories.

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memories

Youth:
🍃 Too sensitive for my own good. I never really grew out of it, either. I was always explosive with my emotions.
🍃 I loved training, especially with my dragon. I stopped showing up at training when things started getting bad, but I would always still train with just my dragon and I. It was always overprotective and quick to get defensive around anyone who made me feel even slightly anxious or scared. With me it was playful and a cute baby who I adore.
🍃 I was my father’s sparrow. He babied me up until I was a teenager. In some ways I loved him for protecting me and I knew deep down he cared, but I also resented him for how he treated me, and secretly blamed him for Hanzo seemingly becoming more stoic and distant. That might have been misdirectbed anger of an insecure child, though. He’d lecture me and I would scream back at him until my throat was raw while he just sat looking disappointed and angry. I hated it.
🍃 After a particularly bad fight I started leaving home more. I was spiteful and couldn’t stand to be at home, so I would use Sojiro’s money to get fucked up enough to forget it. I’d come home at ungodly hours, high off my mind and covered in glitter and smeared make-up. Usually with someone’s arm around my waist unless it was a really bad day. I didn’t try to hide it either. Ironically I started using more after Sojiro’s death.
🍃 Hanzo and I were really close. He was the only one I trusted fully. He knew what I was doing, and while I hated Sojiro’s worry, it hurt to see how Hanzo would look at me when it got bad.

Blackwatch:
💢 I hated everything and everyone without prejudice for at least three months.
💢 I warmed up to Jesse first because he wore me down with his annoying jokes and smiles. He was so pushy about it that I just gave in.
💢 And then he became my best friend in the whole world. He made me laugh and we got in trouble way too often. Gabe probably regretted ever letting us talk to each other.
💢 I warmed up to Angela and Gabe next. I blamed Angela for keeping me alive but that anger ended up landing on Morrison instead.
💢 I had to spend so much time with Angela and for a while she was the only one who wasn’t scared and actually talked to me normal and not like a wild animal. She would look at me with this sad, worried, loving look. Of course it was in my files and all, but she was the only person I talked to about trans stuff. No one else but people with access knew about it.
💢 Things were rocky with Gabe at first and even later on I tried to attack him once for saying something that set me off. He would give Angela reports about me. I figured it out after he found me after a breakdown and the next day Angela knew asked me about it. He was good though. I’m pretty sure I ended up seeking him out a lot when it got bad.
💢 I definitely self harmed by means of ruining my body however I could. Whether on purpose or by accident. I’d have flashbacks to everything with Hanzo and end up in panic attacks tearing myself apart. Or anyone else if they were close enough.
💢 Also: Fuck Jack Morrison. I ended up in his office a lot. Too much trouble.

After Overwatch:
🌸 Jesse and I had a mutual agreement to part ways. Not a breakup. I still loved him but we knew it wasn’t right.
🌸 I wandered for a really long time before finding the monastery through word of mouth.
🌸 By then I was so worn down and emotionally broken that I was desperate to do anything to heal myself somehow.
🌸 It was slow but the monks took me in and tried to help. Zenyatta was one of the only people to work one on one with me.
🌸 I’d get angry and upset and he’d teach me how to properly deal with it all - finding peace through self reflection and harmony woth self instead of just wrecking shit.
🌸 I spent years with him. Learning, healing, getting back to myself instead of embodying my trauma. I found a way to be okay with my body.
🌸 Zen and I were close. I don’t think it had a firm label but I loved him. So much. I was overly affectionate and insanely playful again by that point and he got the full force of it all. And I know he loved it too, even when he told me to calm down. I also respected him as a mentor of course, but we’d been together enough years that it was past just that kind of relationship.

Rejoining Overwatch:
🔋 Hanzo cried when I revealed myself to him.
🔋 I asked him to come with me and I think it took some time but he agreed.
🔋 Jesse and I went back to almost exactly how we were but didn’t get back together I don’t think. I definitely still flirted and was physically affectionate though.
🔋 It took a long time for Hanzo to get comfortable with it. I knew it was haunting him. I tried to help him in little ways.
🔋 Eventually we would hang out with Jesse together and it was easy to relax with him there. He didn’t trust Hanzo entirely but respected that I had forgiven my brother and eased into it. Him and Hanzo would pretend to argue even though they obviously liked each other and it made me laugh.